I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
