girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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