go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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