is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
