just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
