dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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