My first STD was from a foam party
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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