no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
