he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize