Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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