I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
