She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
