just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
