Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she smelled like a LAN party
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
