I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
