i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
