"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
