I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
