so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And then my night got REAL pukey
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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