so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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