it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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