You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
