I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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