id be glad to
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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