Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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