if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
