How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
