I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i already hear my dad disowning me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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