Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
