guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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