i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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