You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
