you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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