my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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