btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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