The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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