So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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