I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
