Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
