margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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