I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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