Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
