I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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