Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
