You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That's intense
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
