Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
