Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
