I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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