she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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