The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
