im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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