Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
