the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
