You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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