You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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