you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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