Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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