That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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