Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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