JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
