I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
