He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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