Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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