so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
