Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
