Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Less talking, more tequila
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
