i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
do nipples grow back?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize