I think my vagina is haunted
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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