On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
