I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
